And I smoke

I created this blog
To take the place of my original blog
Smoke Rings in the Dark
When I was attempting to quit smoking
But
I started smoking again
And started posting on Smoke Rings again
But I still maintain this blog to some degree
Probably as much as I do any other blog
I will attempt to quit smoking again
But this time
I won't even plan to stop posting to my other blog
Smoke Rings in the Dark
Was not just named with smoking in mind
It has many other connotations in my life
It represents the general fog
That I still to this day
Smoking or not
Live my life in
As that blog's tagline states
A look at life through a cloud of cigarette smoke
But it's not just cigarette smoke
It's the hazy uncertainty
That has come to define
My existence
Of course it also references the song
By the same name
And in referencing the song
It in turn references my mother
Just as this blog
The Cheesebox
References my mother
Her cheesebox
Her poetry and other writings
And here I shall carry on that legacy
Which is why this blog
Like my other
Must go on

Dusting Off The Cheesebox

I can't believe I haven't posted in here since right after Mother's Day. Well... I mean... yes, I can believe it -- it just doesn't seem like it's been that long. I intended to post more later on in May -- around the time of the 6th anniversary of my mother's death and Memorial Day, but those events came and went with no posts, as you can see. Then came Father's Day, the Fourth of July, and my 38th birthday. And here I am, August 19th, finally posting again.

You know what? Today is also the anniversary of a significant event in my life -- it's the 19th anniversary of the day I was released from Letterman Army Medical Center after a more than 3 month stay there. The day I left San Francisco for a "brief visit" back to Michigan while I awaited the finalization of my medical discharge. The day my short army career came to an end, and I faced a whole new beginning. The world was my oyster.

On this day in 1987, I sat in the window seat of a plane and watched the city of San Francisco get smaller and smaller below me. I bid the city farewell, but "only for awhile" -- I promised I would soon be back. I had it all set up. The nice lady at the donut shop down the street offered me a job. One of the night nurses at the hospital offered to let me stay with her until I'd gotten back on my feet. I would begin my life anew in the most beautiful city in the world -- San Francisco. But something went wrong...

Here I sit, 19 yrs later -- still in Michigan. And I've accomplished nothing of real value in that time. It's almost as though my life has been on hold. Like I've been here this entire time just visiting family. Like I'm still waiting to return to San Francisco to begin my life again. Do you think the donut shop is still there? Is the nice lady that owned it still around? Would she remember me? Would her job offer still stand? What about the nurse who was willing to let me stay with her? I doubt any of the above. But does that mean it's to late to return to San Francisco? And would my life be better if I did?

Perhaps I should make good on my promise to the city and return to find out...